Goodbye, social life.

At the start of this month, Stef returned me Exiles unread after hoarding it for months. She said she didn't have time to read it before going. BUT. She borrowed a book from Josh. And when I asked, she said that she could return it to him before leaving for Canada but she didn't think she would be seeing me before leaving. Which I thought ridiculous. Why wouldn't I be seeing her off? Plus, she just avoided me at the prom so she ended up being the only one of my close friends who I didn't dance with. Yesterday, she tried to keep a gathering secret from me. Though I might not have been able to attend, at least she could have chosen to not try to keep it secret. I mean, she IS one of my closest friends. Then it struck me - I wasn't one of her closest. After all this time, after all the hanging out together, all the times I'd helped her out... but perhaps I should have seen it coming. I mean, I just realised that she has never told me anything about herself. All she ever did was try to squirrel my thoughts out of me. And it helped her much that Weng, who I talk to often and who often tries to point the conversations in my direction tells her everything... I've been giving everything and received very little... Josh usually says that I'm the last to know every scandalous thing or event that goes around. But how am I supposed to know any of it if I'm never told?!

I GIVE UP. All of it is going nowhere. I thought I had finally found somewhere where I belong. Since primary school, it's always been like this, with "friends" coming and going. It's never really gotten any better. Even someone as docile as Eugin can't keep himself from backstabbing me. And it's happened over and over againthis year. Why does an introvert like me bother with friendships? The pain outweights the joy by a mile. There's not much point in it. Any of it. So it's time to save on tears. It's time to give up MSN messenger and hanging out. It's time to embrace my introverted nature.

Sorry. (Apologizing to my digital piano as well).